Drainers & Fillers

How often do you get to the end of a day and feel totally spent….as if your inner “well” has run completely dry?

Drainers & Fillers out of balance make it hard to live a healthy lifestyle

Many kind and wonderful clients over the years have described feeling that way often.  They came to me seeking help in addressing a weight or health problem.  Yet as we talked, it didn’t take long to see that they were involved in a chicken-or-the-egg scenario:  They weren’t eating well or exercising because they were burned out, lacking the time and physical or mental energy to do so.  And because they pushed so hard in life without taking care of themselves, they became more and more zapped of energy.

What I learned in working with these clients is that we probably all benefit from stopping now and then to look at the balance in our lives of Drainers and Fillers.

What’s a Drainer?
Drainers are the things, people, obligations, and pressures that – you guessed it – drain us of physical, mental or emotional energy.  Some tasks, even those we believe are important and worthwhile, are drainers.  Some people, even some we love or respect, are drainers.  After spending time with them or talking on the phone with them, we feel exhausted.

Some things just about all of us find draining.  Yet sometimes what is a drainer to one person is a filler to another.  Don’t let other people or the “should’s” identify the drainers and fillers in your life.  Pay attention to your gut.

Why it’s a Health Issue
Re-balancing drainers and fillers clearly adds to enjoyment of life. There’s more to it than that, though.  If we are consistently too run down for basic steps we want to take for a healthier lifestyle, each week that goes by out of balance is taking its toll on our health.  For example:

• No time or energy to make even a simple healthy meal?  We settle for less, go get drive through…or just settle down with some junk food in front of the TV while we zone out.
• Too tired to plan meals for a week and make a shopping list? We end up eating whatever’s available, stressing each night as we open the fridge and wonder what we can find there. The “bonus” is the added moment of guilt we may feel as we realize what’s there is not all that nourishing.
• No time or energy to take a walk? We can try to remind ourselves that the right amount of physical activity is actually energizing, but when we get past a certain point, it’s hard not to just cocoon.
• Grasping at easy fixes for an inner well that feels drained?  We can all too easily fall into the trap of trying unsuccessfully to fill the well by chowing through chocolate without really tasting it, having “a few too many” drinks, gazing at endless TV shows that don’t truly entertain, or “treating” ourselves to meals that leave us feeling bloated and in need of a nap.  (We might also try resorting to other fixes that don’t directly impact health, but end up draining us further, like spending money we don’t have, or trying to feel good by making others feel bad, losing ourselves as we look for affirmation in the wrong places.)

The more you Drain, the more you need to Fill
We all have some times in life that involve more drainers than other times.  Some people seem consistently burdened with more drainers than other people.  Make this your new mantra: “More drainers means I need more fillers.”  Keep refilling before your well runs dry.  Sometimes it won’t take much to fill the well completely. Sometimes it will take more.

Here are 3 strategies:

Reduce the drainers
~Practice saying “No”.  It offers great power to re-align your life, so use it consciously, not randomly or only at moments of utter burnout.
~Limit the time you spend with people who are drainers.  Set up another activity that creates an end-point so meetings or conversations don’t go past what you can handle.
~Avoid the stress of time lost in “black holes”. Create limits for screen time (TV and computer). Set aside a time zone to for catching up with phone calls, emails and bill-paying.
Turn drainers to fillers
~It doesn’t work for everything, but attitude makes a huge difference. Channel a bit of Pollyanna or Mary Poppins. Focus on the portion of the glass that’s half-full rather than the half-empty portion.
~Look for ways to add enjoyment to an obligation. Ask yourself what changes you could make in how something has always been done.
Add fillers
Connect.  Stop and enjoy your pet. Call a friend or loved one who is always a filler. If you can’t reach them, stop, close your eyes, and replay favorite memories.  You will connect mentally and emotionally. Meet someone for breakfast and start the day on a positive note.
Sleep. Go to bed an hour or early, or take a 20-minute nap.
Fuel. Eat a balanced meal with protein, whole grains and vegetables. It can be a simple bowl of soup filled with beans and vegetables. Flavor it deliciously. Slow down and actually taste it as you eat.
Energize. Take a walk, even for just 10 minutes. Remind yourself that the world won’t collapse if you get some fresh air and a clear head for 10 minutes.
Release the bad. Cry, pound a pillow, let it all out in a journal or vent to someone you can trust not to share what you say. Forgive someone (whether or not they even knew they needed it) and release all that energy you’d been holding.
Soothe. Let a hot shower pound on your back, soak in a tub or massage your hands with scented lotion.
Re-boot.  Close your eyes and do deep breathing for the count of 10. Take five minutes to meditate or pray. Find something for which you are grateful and stop to be thankful.
Create moments of joy. Stop and look up at the stars. Laugh about something. Perform a random act of kindness and enjoy that moment.
Block off time for fun. You don’t have to plan what you’ll do.  But if you don’t set aside and guard time for fun, it’s easy for it to be stolen away.

Bottom line:  The power of positive self-talk is amazing, and looking at the glass half-full instead of half-empty is a great start. Yet when you see that the glass is half-full, it’s good to stop and adjust the balance in life to keep it at least half-full by increasing your Fillers or finding ways to decrease the negative force of Drainers.

Please Comment so we can talk & help one another:  What is a Filler for you?  How do you make room for it in your life?

Resources:
Fitness Republic offers 5 Easy Ways to Meditate.

Intuitive Eating (the book and the website) provides help from two very special registered dietitians for tuning in to hunger and using food in a way that truly fuels and nourishes yourself.

Franklin Covey offers a way to create a profile to see how you divide your time between what is important and urgent.